Well, here's the first fiction. You fan find it here. After the review, I'll post my favorite segment from it.
1. I would like to point out to everyone that keyboards are equipped with two amazing buttons: one is the "space bar" and the other is the "enter" key or "return" if you're using a MAC. There are countless others, but these two are very important if anyone is to understand what the hell is is you're saying. So in this story there are lines that look something like this is going to.the author doesn't feel she is important enough to use the space bar button and she doesn't have to capitalize everything that has to be capitalized...and to putaspace somewhere? What a stupid idea that is!
2. It sort of seems like it could be a good plot, it's just poorly executed. Granted, it's so completely random, it's hard to know what sort of plot she was going for the begin with.
3. This is just a sort of tidbit and funny. In the place where the description of your story is supposed to go she simply put, "hi please read". Heh, found that sort of amusing, but anyways..
4. Spell check is an amazing thing. I actually used it before I posted this. Helps tons, especially if you can't spell anything. For example: I think she meant to spell 'patiently' when what she ended up with was 'pationattly'.
5. It's random. Completely random. She mentions something about tattoos and assigning tattoos, and how the main character is looking for the tattoo on the random elf that finds her. This elf, however, is apparently psychic because he knows what she is doing and tells her there is no time for it. He also knows how the main character, Arunel, is supposed to get home. I think she was trying to make this "handsome elf" Legolas, but I'm not sure. Also, the excessive use of the word "love" was annoying. I think it's a good pet name, but uh.. a little heavy on the usage there, love.
So, all in all, it's something that could have been a lot better than it was if it was more detailed, made more use of the space bar/enter key, and if the spell check was used.
Here's a little bit for your reading pleasure ;)
Arunel searched with her hand, she was looking for his tattoo.Her assigned tattoo was a sun, so she new what clone was hers.
The elf took her hand. "You can do that later love, but now we must go.."
Arunel squinted her eyes. "Go where??"
The elf laughed and picked her up. "To your home of coarse,love, I've been looking for a way there..love, would you tell me were to go?"
Arunel looked around *what a smart elf!* she thought.They were right on the path.
"uh...You go straight then rurn right, uh..." she tried to rember the rest of the way back.
The elf pationattly waited..
"Then you follow the left path towards my cabin.."
The elf nodded and took her hand.
It was getting dreadfully hot in the afternoon, and it slowed arunel down, she wasn't surprized when the elf strided faster than her....